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Forgiveness is not a one-time quick fix for trauma; that is the upfront message that John wanted to convey in this morning’s sermon. Forgiveness takes time and effort.
Trouble between brothers is not a new phenomenon. We have Cain and Abel at odds soon after creation. In modern history, we have Rudolph and Adolph Dassler, shoemaking brothers who fell out and began manufacturing different brands of shoes in bitter competition with each other.
So our story of Jacob and Esau is taken from Genesis 33. Jacob has heard that his estranged brother Esau is coming to meet him after years of separation. Jacob fears the worst—that Esau wants to kill him. He arranges his family groups in order of favorites, with his wife Rachel and favored son Joseph closest to him.
Jacob’s worry about this encounter had been carried for years. What a relief that Esau was actually glad to see him and forgave him!
John shared his personal experience with struggling with forgiveness for his dad. He compared unforgiveness with a weight that you carry—it doesn’t feel overly heavy for a while but becomes heavier with time.
The story of the unforgiving servant who had been forgiven much more than his fellow servant owed him was used. John explained that we often depend on others to meet our needs when we ought to connect to the Vine, as in John 15, to be our source.
Several more observations on forgiveness:
- One mistake we make when we are dealing with an offense is minimizing it, to deny that it is a big deal. Forgiveness is not denying the offense but choosing to actively forgive the offender since it doesn’t require his/her participation.
- One person can forgive; reconciliation takes both, and is helpful, as well as apologies and restitution.
- Forgiveness does not always fix the emotions we feel, especially in the short term. But at the end of the day, forgiveness is the Jesus way…and so much better than carrying the weight of unforgiveness.